Ungrounded and Blissful

This is my lived experience of my human design crossed with a Kundalini chant and the following is my embodied results.

Day Twenty-One

Today I am officially over the halfway mark of my devotional practice and sliding on the downhill descent. I now have less days in front of me than behind (that is unless I go to the 90-day mark).

I am trying (and there is that word again) to be present and fully in the now moment with no past and no future. It is a struggle, and the word that floats through my meditation is “Focus” which is also reminding me to be fully present in life as it happens.

Chant

The chant has had a hypnotic effect today and it is hard for me to name this experience, but I feel as if parts of the chant have been trance like for me. Today my practice has felt more reverent and blissful. I am left feeling I have not fully descended back into myself as I type this. I struggle with this! This is a structured practice that happens in a prescribed manner for a set reason. Any other meditation I would not worry as much, but this practice requires my full presence and not zoning out and losing place and pace of the chant.

Today my fingers fumble and at times I have to think am I saying “Sa Ta Na Ma” or not. Have I forgotten the pattern of sound and hand mudras, especially when we enter the round where the words are uttered within my mind and not out loud.

I am left thinking I want to sleep. Maybe my dreams have something to say to me. I cannot do this as my day is not that old and I have obligations and responsibilities that need my attention.

Reflection

When the time comes to write I still feel I have not fully landed in my body, this is disturbing and yet peaceful at the same time. I really just want to sleep and feel the call of my dreams.

Today’s chant seems to have descended into a subconscious part that was crossing my chant with an audible book I am currently listening to. Goodness knows what happens deep within the unconscious parts of myself that get all the say on how I work automatically and subconsciously in life.

I know today has called me to focus yet during the chant I seemed to do anything but this. A sweet and disorienting state of bliss seemed to hijack me taking me out of my “A” game.

As I type I am coming out of the in-between state that I have been in. I am awakening. The dreaminess state is departing. I am here and becoming grounded in the world around me and my life. Some of my bliss is drifting off.

I am reminded that even though I have identified “trying” as something I need to move past into “doing” it is a work in progress. I am startled to see in the current moment of writing this article that it is this very practice that takes my chant experience into doing. This writing practice is placing me back in my body and every word helps me to come down from wherever I have been. Each word makes me more present in the world and in the now moment.

I still needed extra guidance today to understand what this day was about, so I moved onto drawing my card.

Card

I needed more clarification for understanding today and asked, “What did I just experience?”

My answer was to have the Frog card leap out of my pack of cards (yep, I went there).

“Frog — Clearing, Cleansing, Healing”

I let this settle into me. This card encapsulates my experience. Today was about clearing, cleansing, and healing. It is a reminder to put down my problems and issues and to practice self-care. A reminder to find enthusiasm for life and to be mindful of what depletes and exhausts me.

Today was a day when I was bringing myself into balance and allowing “what is” to be what I need. Maybe drifting in trance is not what I think this practice is but maybe something higher than me thinks it is something that is beneficial for me today.

As I finish my review and share of my devotional practice, I am left feeling more fully present in the moment. Today has been about clearing parts of me I cannot see, cleansing and healing myself through the chant and devotion.

See you tomorrow for day 22.