Trying, Doing, Being

This is my lived experience of my human design crossed with a Kundalini chant and the following is my embodied results.

Day Nineteen

It was a call to be fully present in the moment today. Not the future nor the past, not thinking of other things but it was getting all parts of me in the current moment (including the part of my mental mind that watches). I was encouraging the totality of who I am to chant along creating a chorus of seed sounds in my soul. It was a level of focus I have not achieved before.

Chant

I am improving my focus. I let my worries arise and drift away moving to be more fully present. Worries come and go. Today I am immersing myself fully, allowing a sense of holiness to arise associated with my devotion. The chant is familiar as ritualized practice with prayers, I am reminded there is more than one way to honor what is greater than me and to ask for help to create change that I need. This structured practice goes beyond my sporadic free form prayers showing gratitude or asking for help from something higher than myself. This practice is directed towards the flow of birth, life, death and rebirth and I am reminded that each breath and breathed sound goes through this cycle.

Two words arise in my mind during the chant resolute and resolved. This is about me becoming a complete person.

Next arises that I too need to be a person of my word and my soul whispers slender, healthy, prosperous, abundant, joyful, and creative. These are words that need to be honored by me. These words are than woven into my being.

Reflection

When I sit to write I am unsure and nervous about what it will be.

Today as I write and think on the chant, I am reminded how many mentors have tried to teach me the lesson on trying. I am always amused that they all use the same example to demonstrate what it is. “Try to pick up the pen in front of you!” My mind shuts down with its logic and says what a ridiculous thing to ask! Yes of course I can do that! Then I pretend I am profound and understand what they are teaching me, and I never fall for picking up the pen. The last time this happened I humbled myself for my curiosity and asked (what I have wanted to know all along) “What would you have said when I picked the pen up?” This is where I see I should have asked this a long time ago. The answer was if I had picked up the pen, I would have moved from the state of trying into the state of doing. The penny drops! I would have been moving between states of what I wish for into making it real. I make a second connection, doing the 40 days of devotional practice, I have made the choice to move beyond trying and I now am actually doing something that will help me to achieve my goals and become the person I want to be. The chanting invites in possibility and moves me beyond trying.

I am reminded of yesterday and the need to keep my word, to embrace honor and have a sense of integrity in who I am. Today I reflect that my soul called forth words and values I need to embrace and honor. To create balance and peace in my life I need to become what I promised. The whispers of my soul are a gentle reminder that I have decided to be slender and healthy, to be joyful and creative, to be prosperous and abundant and to explore all of what this means. There is a part of me that thinks I consciously created the six words and another part of me that calls to trust. These words are the way to become who I desire to be.

I am in the process of leaving behind the emptiness of trying, moving into the fullness of being, and allowing me to become the best version of me.

Card

Today I asked, “What else can you tell me that adds to what I have written?” The answer is the Scorpion (my astrological sign).

Scorpio calls for passion to embrace my competitive nature and honor my need for solitude. It feels like this card sparks the energy needed to pursue good health, embracing abundance and the spark that fuels joy and creativity.

Today in my practice resolute and resolved came through and now I have a card that wants me to resolve the unresolved. I have a sense of humor and appreciate a card that asks for resolution and determination, echo of words I heard earlier.

Scorpion reminds me to remain determined (also another word for resolute) while I move from the state of trying into doing. To find the passion that will carry me through to the end.

The Scorpion echoes what I have learned and asks me to be wild, free, and fierce, to resolve old hurts and to forgive myself and others as I move and heal what has come before. I am becoming a more rounded and whole person as I leave behind trying and move into doing.

I guess as I leave this practice today, I am left with an actionable step. I need to ask myself “Am I trying or doing?”

See you tomorrow for day 20.