The Song of My Heart

This is my lived experience of my human design crossed with a Kundalini chant and the following is my embodied results.

Day Sixteen

Today I make a mental note that the days are marching quickly by and the tipping point of halfway will soon be here. I cannot believe how quickly the days fly past.

Today the pull is to surrender to the sound and vibrations of the chant. I allow myself to float with them. This reminds me of the smoke trail that the incense creates, I am reminded of watching the dissipating path, the ethereal and ephemeral patterns being created as it burned away, spiraling until it gradually fades. The music pulls forth this feeling.

The chant feels like I am singing myself into existence. The chant is the dream, the soul seeking a life to live, my physical body is the anchor to life and the lighthouse that shines the way for my spirit to find me. This practice is becoming my way forward in life.

Chant

Yesterday I went to my massage therapist, and she helped me with my aches and pains, I told her of my practice and how challenging it is to sit cross legged. She gently suggests to me that currently she would not recommend me sitting in this pose for the length of time that I do and asks if there is another way I can sit to chant. This reminds me I need to honor my body and meet her where she is, not forcing her to where she is not ready to go. I checked in with Leah who lets me know sitting on a chair is acceptable if my back and arms remain straight, and I perform the mudra in the prescribe manner. No slouching or poor posture.

Today felt more powerful. My back was a lot straighter than usual, and my core seemed to lock on more efficiently.

Today, as any other day so far, the whisper round is the one I love the most. I love to work on softening my voice (it is a work in progress). The whisper calls to me, the sounds and vibration working their way into the core of my heart, and I can become lost in the song. The quiet mental chant is often when I fidget and become uncomfortable, but my hands become the voice, and the finger patterns the annunciation of the seed sounds. My fingers become more precise and pronounced in these times of the chant. The sections where I (try) sing in a normal voice and level just reminds me I cannot sing but the whisper chant is calling me to love.

Reflection

Today the chant felt like I was singing myself into existence; it felt like I was a lighthouse acting as a beacon calling myself to this life. All this made me think what part the mudra’s played in my practice. Each of the fingers used in the mudra’s are linked with a planet and this planet adds meaning to the seed sound as the essence of the planet is activated. When I was singing Sa (birth) and inviting birth in I was seeking a partnership with expansion (Jupiter) of my awareness and the ability to take up space and my right to be born.

When I chanted Ta (life), and I performed the associated mudra I was asking what limitations (Saturn) my soul will meet in life? Being born into a body comes with challenges and limits. Sa and Ta the first part is a pairing where the expansion of soul meets the limits of life. In wanting to have a life my soul learns of my limits in this physical world and maybe how I overcome them.

I struggle to understand the second half of the chant, Na (death) and Ma (rebirth). I understand the concepts but not their relationship with the Mudra’s that accompanies them in this particular chant. How does the Sun’s energy relate to death, I do not understand. I am aware that in life that the sun can kill or give life. I cannot help but compare this meaning with my understanding of astrology where the Sun shows us how we increase our vitality and essence in life. What does vitality have to do with death except the obvious that having a lack of vitality could herald our end.

What has rejuvenation and rebirth got to do with communication and expression (Mercury)? This is something I will ponder. I know the knowledge is coming. All that comes to mind in the present moment is the person I was born to be needs the energy and power to release what it no longer needs before it has the chance of new expression. It is hard to know if the knowledge you have will serve you well or not.

All said today I have a sense of peace, a need to surrender my need to control everything and to trust in life and myself. I want to enter a life where I can dream of possibilities. I hear the inner whisper that maybe I do not dream because I never have the courage to ask for what I want in life, and this might be the reason my ability to dream of “what if?” has slowly been smothered. Today we are creating a way to embrace my creative soul and give it voice and purpose.

I startle as I review this, and I start to think I am overthinking things like usual. I am thinking too hard on the process. I am fighting my need to know why and how something works, and I decide to welcome the person I am singing in regardless of how I am doing this.

Card

Today I was curious, and I asked “Who am I (the possibility of me) singing into this world? Eagle card was my reply.

“Eagle — all-pervading power, truth seeker, transforms Karma.”

The card reminds me that the eagle is the light of the sun and invites us to be our best and brightest self. When balanced the Eagle is bright, radiant and challenges the world. When the eagle is not at its best it is controlling and to rebalance there is a call to step into the unknown.

The eagle is telling me I am calling in someone who releases the need to know all and control everything. Is building my radiance and light in this world with the ability to step into the unknown and face my fears. I am being called to walk through the fires of transformation facing my karma and to become who I was born to be. A call to trust the process.

See you tomorrow for day 17.