The Small Things

This is my lived experience of my human design crossed with a Kundalini chant and the following is my embodied results.

Photo by David Travis on Unsplash

Day Twenty-Four

It is Day 24 and feelings of being overwhelmed and unsure of what I will write are making this hard.

It was another day where distractions and interruptions caught my attention; finding that other projects and tasks were more important than performing my devotional practice. I was looking to do anything, but I knew full well it was now or never due to obligations and responsibilities that I needed to perform later in my day.

Today I am worried that I will have nothing to write. Today I write to keep my promise to myself.

Chant

I like to light candles before my practice helping me to ground and create a sacred space. I challenge myself to light all wicks with one match before I burn my fingers. I have no idea why I do this (the one lit match thing), but I am wary of making this a habit I cannot stop. I know at times once something is adopted into my practice it must be there every time, I can have compulsive habits, this can become overwhelming having rituals that delay and do not serve. It is not a one match day. Today it is hard to keep them burning at all. My tea light splutters and dies and I try to light a new candle from one of the others and save myself a match. This action drowns the wick in liquid wax leaving it unable to burn. I sigh and go ahead with my practice as I realize, I am only creating distractions. I will not let the small things derail me.

Today I do not want to settle, and my mind is full. A list of thoughts rotates through my mind, and I become aware I need to release the thoughts that claim my attention. It is not the peace of yesterday. I sigh and become okay with this. What I am learning is I have practiced this chant for 24 days now and I have experienced 24 different versions of it.

When I release and allow my thoughts to meander without holding them tightly and fixating on them, two words surface in my consciousness, “Surrender and Control.” Two actions I am yet to master and wonder if I ever will.

Reflection

When I go to the journal, I realize I do not have much to write and not much to share. I am releasing the need to control this reflection and surrender to the fact that this section is going to be small today.

Card

I had no question today, but I felt the cards pulling me to draw anyway. I stopped to think where more information could serve and I ended up asking, “How do I move beyond being stuck?”

Rabbit was drawn from the pack and then another card fell out telling me that Bear wants a say too.

Rabbit — afraid of everything, overwhelmed, frozen.

I see this card encapsulates all that I am. I am scared of the future. Overwhelmed with where I am in life. I often describe myself as frozen and unable to move. I am my own worst enemy making mountains out of mole hills and this is what this question and answer are about.

I often feel that I want to confuse myself, throw in distraction and require all the details before I do anything. I see that this is asking for total control over what I do and what my outcome will be. I am trying to control this devotional practice the same way. A part of me knew deep within me that today was just a day to perform my chant and to find contentment and happiness with this simple task and outcome.

Rabbit is the reminder to stop spinning my wheels and stop overcomplicating everything. It is time to move beyond being frozen and time to wake up.

Bear — waking from spiritual slumber, beginning a new.

To me this is a reminder that I can awaken from this frozen place within me and move beyond self-imposed complications. It helps me to see that you need practice before it becomes an innate skill and ability within you. It is time to embrace new beginnings, and each day is just that, each devotional practice is new in that day too. Each day reinforces the one before.

Today is a day of respite from new lessons allowing all that has come before to have time to settle within me giving rise to healthy habits for life. Respite and rest are needed before I pile anymore on.

See you tomorrow for day 25.