The Call to Adventure

This is my lived experience of my human design crossed with a Kundalini chant and the following is my embodied results.

Day Fourteen

Today I start with journal writing before the chant to reflect and focus myself for the meditation to come. It is the first time I have really considered that just asking for a blanket release of all that does not serve is not direct enough; especially if it is asking the body to release any type of behaviors! I see that I have certain behaviors and beliefs that do not serve me, but my body can perceive them as keeping me safe and secure. I can see why my body would not want to release them.

I remember at the start of this journey Leah drew three cards for me, Mentor, Security and Heart. It is not lost on me that these cards relate directly back to chakra centers in my Human Design, especially the Security card, which is concerned with how I feel safe enough in this world to embrace who I am.

I need to see that I am safe and secure before I can release any old habits and values. I need to heed my heart to find my way forward.

Chant

When I chanted today it felt like a journey. It is the call to adventure that the Hero needs to answer to begin her quest.

Today each level of chant had a different part of the hero’s journey. The first round called me to follow the pied piper asking me to go inwards into myself. The second round was the whisper to coax parts of me that did not want to follow the first time. The third and fourth round was a purification inviting and accepting all parts of who I am. In the journey down I yawned and felt my tiredness. It was this round that allowed me to lay down the load and rest parts of myself with a sense of gratitude for all they have done for me; seen and unseen. The last two rounds are stepping into lightness and a sense of renewal. I have the thought this is 40 days long because I need more than one day to accomplish my goals. Each day so far has been different to the one before.

Reflection

When I stop to reflect on the journey of this chant, I can see how words shape my world. I get frustrated during normal guided meditations that ask me to see. I just cannot see no matter how hard I push. Today I get a glimpse of understanding of why that is hard for me. I do not see but words shape my world and with this comes the acceptance of the voice in my head. Not to worry I know it is my own voice that speaks to me. I have often envied someone who tells me their mind can be quiet and peaceful; I have never experienced this.

When I meditate, I have a voice that is busy and lists what it is worried about and what we need to do. I know this is the voice that I allow to float away. I also have a voice that describes and builds a world in my mind and helps my journey, pulling me along asking me to follow. I realize for the first time this is how I visualize, and I accept this. Today I follow the voice allowing it to set up the story for me to follow in today’s chant.

I have been asked what I see when I read a book. For them, a book becomes a movie in the mind’s eye. Once again this is not me. I answered this question with I ride the wave of emotions that words illicit from me. I read every word. Every word brings emotion and thought and allows me to step into the life of the character for a moment. Today I am stepping into the story of my chant.

Card

I desperately want to know how I release that which does not serve me. I ask the cards, and I am left totally confused by my answer. I am still struggling to find a way in which the card answers my question at all.

The card coming forth was that of the Camel. There is no redrawing a card simply because I do not want the card or understand. Today I am having to take the time to contemplate and sit with this answer. It is many hours later before I can start to see what the card might mean.

“The Camel — resourceful, independent, knows oneself.” Knowing who I am, has been my driving force for the last eight years. To give this up would be hard. I start to think the Camel wants me to release the relentless hold and need I have in knowing myself and giving life a chance and live in the moment rather than needing all the answers now. What adventure does life hold if I know it all? Maybe just releasing this need will help.

I looked up the meaning of the Camel online and found it is a guide who is calmly committed and confident who is asking me to trust the process. I am trying hard to control this process which is the opposite of trusting.

There is one part that stands out to me and offers advice in moving forward; the Camel when out of balance is dehydrated. I know I do not drink enough water. This seems to be a gentle reminder to drink more water today. Water helps to flush the body, and this will help to release whatever needs releasing.

See you tomorrow for day 15.