To Speak or Not to Speak

A 40 Day Challenge

This is my lived experience of my human design crossed with a Kundalini chant and the following is my embodied results.

Day Ten

Today marks a turning in my practice. It is a double-digit number but most importantly it marks a quarter of the practice complete. The foundation is laid with each new day layering on top of what has come before.

The Chant

I know I am turning a corner in the chant when I start to count how many times I repeat the pattern. For me it is a sign that I “think” I have a handle on the practice. Today I just estimate the number of rounds I do in the 30 minutes. I guess it is a second for every seed sound, five seed sounds mark the start and end of chant. Sa Ta Na Ma. Oops four words and I am now revising my calculation. My mind said you use all five fingers five sounds it is. I guess I am human, and I make mistakes. Time to revise my original estimates. Therefore in 30 minutes I would sing, whisper and mentally chant the phrase approximately 450 times.

I tell myself enough with the distractions and bring myself back to concentrate on each sound. This calms my mind, and the word Trust arises within me.

I have found a new core value that is important to me. Trust is essential to me in building who and what I want to be. I have an inner desire to Trust, and I am seeing self-trust must come first.

Reflection

When I write in my journal at the end of my practice, I reflect on what I have learned about my human design and my open throat center. I have found that part of my purpose is to know when to talk and when not too. The other part is knowing what to keep secret and what to share. I am left pondering on this. I come up with a question that can help me to trust what truths I speak, “Am I sharing because it is the right thing to do?” Or more importantly, “Is it my truth to share?”

I am reminded in my human design that I also need to cultivate my ability to hear and listen to others. In recent years this part of me has had to improve and so it has. Once I spoke to fill the silence and I listened to respond. I am working on how to really listen as others speak.

When I reflect upon how, why and what I communicate I am reminded how I can find personal validation through the value of what others tell me I am worth. My value rested on their reply, and I felt justified and validated if they agreed with me. Disagreement was fraught and my value decreased in my eyes. Now I see difference of opinion is a chance to learn something new. Am I always good with this and the answer is no. At times I still seek that external validation and find it unsettling when I do not receive approval.

This 40-day practice is helping me to find my truth and then to trust when to speak.

Card

This was a day when I did not really need to draw a card, much like a few days ago, and I drew the same card as I did then. I drew the Gazelle card. It reminds me not to worry so much.

Gazelle speaks of hyper-vigilance, and it is telling me to relax and to trust that I have all I need.

The Gazelle is also a reminder to live in the present moment and to stop worrying about what happened in the past and leave tomorrows problems for tomorrow. It reminds me I have a whole life to explore and a lifetime to do it. I do not need to get it right in one day or 40 for that matter.

See you tomorrow for day 11.