Shattered Promises and Sacred Vows

I am placing my trust and working with a mentor for this 40-day devotional practice. I am working with Leah Braithwaite and her Soul Rx program. When working with Leah she tunes into my Human Design, my intention, and her Kundalini training to find a kriya that best suits my needs and goals. This chant is by design and with intent to work with me to help facilitate the change I want. This devotional practice has been picked specifically for me.

This writing is recording my lived experience of my human design, Kundalini, and Soul Rx practice. The following are my embodied results for the 40 days I have committed to.

Day Twenty-Nine

Today began with a session with Leah. This is my time to ask questions, and Leah offers her insights suggesting actions I can take or questions to ask myself. This is my chance to understand my human design and its impact on me in greater detail. Each session is directed by my weekly experiences of the kriya coupled with insights from my personal Human Design chart.

Today we discussed a part of my design that shows I need to make connections that rise above conflict and create peace. I have a push to connect with others to make lasting relationships that fulfill my needs for intimacy. I know this part of me that Leah mentions. I am learning if I want to create lasting connections with others in life I cannot avoid conflict. I must face it head on and it is here that I can find what I desire. A peace that settles deep into the cells of my body.

I have always desired peace at all costs and now I know why. Conflict is very difficult for me, and I run a mile from it. I am learning a healthier way to deal with conflict is to be emotionally regulated, honest with myself, understanding how I also contribute to the connection I am making. I need to take responsibility of me before I face friction that arises when it is not easy. My life has been an endless need to create peace and not rock the boat. Today I am learning it is ok to rock the boat and by doing so in a controlled well-adjusted manner I might create the life I desire and experience a greater peace. This is mine when I rise above the need to make another happy no matter the cost to myself. I need to be honest and own my place and know it is okay to disagree with another.

In wanting such intimate connections, I can also be a harbinger of conflict. In my desire to truly connect with another I invite it all in; the good, the bad and the ugly. I can create peace but for this to happen I cannot avoid friction; I must meet them head on. Dealing with conflict is part and parcel of who I am. It is how I deal with the friction arising from conflict is what I need to be mindful of. In today’s journal I wrote that through great adversity peace is claimed and I know this is part of who I am designed to be.

It is funny that yesterday while the tradesman was here, I could have chanted but I did not. I am left to ask myself why? The answer is I did not want to make him uncomfortable (nor myself). I see that in this instance this is me avoiding conflict and embracing a dysfunctional peacekeeper to avoid conflict.

Chant

Today as I began the chant, I sensed the shattered landscape of my inner world. This reminded me that in today’s session I mentioned I was not good at keeping promises to myself and many of them are broken. Now in today’s chant I sensed the broken shards that littered my inner self. It all felt sharp and uncomfortable.

Today was relief that the chant was flowing, my whisper for the first time since I had started the chant felt like real whispers. Today I feel I have mastered the art of whisper singing and it felt sweet. This is always my favorite part as it seems to sing from the heart.

When I hit the silent chant, I had a few issues crop up. I would chant Sa and Ta (birth and life) and then stumble over Na and Ma (death and rebirth). I wondered if there was a message in that?

I moved on and the chant completed itself in what seemed no time at all.

Reflection

When I look back and review my thoughts on my meditational chant I am left to ponder the brokenness of my inner world. I have a knowing that this is the representation of my unfulfilled and broken promises. I know I need to do better and treat myself in a more honorable manner.

I spoke about my broken promises with Leah, and she wants me to think about how I can make a sacred vow, one that I will keep and is important to me.

I am honoring my spirituality through this devotional practice, I am creating a better mental outlook through my writing, but I am yet to deal with my emotional and physical worlds. If I truly desire balance in the four building blocks of who I am, the mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional, it is now time to heal my inner world through making a sacred promise to myself that I will keep.

Now I need to think about the nature of this promise and sacred oath I will make. With this train of thought I am left to ask how I show myself that I love me? Keeping my promises is a good place to start.

Card

When I ponder on what I have written I ask the cards “What is the best way to love myself?”

While I was thinking about the phrasing of the question and picking up the pack of cards and before shuffling, Otter made an appearance. Otter wants me to have joy and embrace playfulness and contentment. I place the card in the pack and shuffle.

Phoenix answers my call.

Phoenix — freedom from suffering and past karma, reincarnation

I take a note that I stumbled on the seed sound Ma (rebirth) in my chant and now reincarnation is coming through as a message from the Phoenix. I have the pull to embrace a new and improved me and to do this I must move through past issues and answer the call to live consciously and to not shy away from who I am. To let go of the fears and tears that come from disappointing myself. It is a new me and she keeps her promises.

See you tomorrow for day 30.