Self-Ownership

Dear Soul, are you tired of thinking you need to be the understanding one! The one who has to be the grown up! To take ownership of all the tough calls! To take the moral high ground and be the bigger person; it is exhausting! It is unrewarding and hard on the soul. Do not get me wrong sometimes for our personal growth and evolution it is a required action but that does not take away from the pain of the reality. We do not always have to place others before us or bend over backwards to accommodate them; it is okay to make yourself the main concern and do what is best for you!

I have an in-built tendency to be extremely anxious when life is going off track or I am about to have a hard conversation. My natural tendency is to run a mile and avoid the situation. I do not like confrontation I feel like a deer in headlights. I hate that I fail to find the right words in cases like this. I hate that I feel that no one wins and everyone loses. Mostly I hate that I feel it is my obligation to find the middle ground and maintain peace at any price.

I am not comfortable with being uncomfortable or disappointing others. What I am learning by living this way is that I have lost who I am, and I end up disappointing myself and the other. I am unsure of who I am meant to be! What I have learnt is that who I am meant to be is mine to work out and not to blame others for! As I get older, I know my purpose in life is to be me and not who others think I am. I am at a stage where I am not sure if I like something because it suits me or if it has been something I have like to get someone else’s approval.

This made me think of the little mermaid (Ariel) and her willingness to sacrifice her voice! To give up something so central in navigating life. Words are a way we are understood and understand. It is how we ask for what we want and show others what we do not want. Communication is how we negotiate peace or call in war. Words are a way to express love imbuing any action with more power. Losing one’s voice for me seemed an extreme cost. Why do I find it such a high cost? Because I am still learning to heed and master my ability to be an effective communicator. I also thought of this Princess because she changed everything she was to seek love and approval. What if this fairy tale had gone another way and had no happy ever after? Would she have thought it worth the cost then being stuck with a bargain that only promised her pain.

After considering this story I decided that this fairy tale needed a letter, and it would be Prince Eric’s voice. Prince Eric had not asked or expected the sacrifice Princess Ariel made. When I wrote this it made me look at my own actions! Had others asked me to make the sacrifices or take the higher road? Had any of it helped or had it hindered my relationships? Now I am left to ponder on what I should do in the future for I cannot change the past. I also appreciate my past for it has made me who I am today and will be in the future.

I thought Prince Eric might write a letter voicing his concerns. The letter might look something like this.

Dear Ariel

I have had a fabulous time getting to know you and I really loved who you were. It was exciting and new. I was so grateful for the rescue, and I loved that you were exotic and different to everyone else in my life. You were a breath of fresh air. I loved that you were you and we had fun. I am not sure if we had a future, but I would have loved to find what this version of you really wanted. There is nothing wrong with your desire “to be where the people are” but when it means changing everything about you to fit in you might need to look at what you are actually running from. I do not know if I would ever be enough for you to replace all that you have lost and given up for me.

I am concerned about the pressure you have placed on us and I worry I could never live up to your expectation of where we are going; I worry you would eventually find me wanting and you thinking is that all there is? I was extremely flattered that you wanted to change everything about you to fit what you thought my world was, but I never wanted this for you. I really loved the princess I met. It was a shock that your physical appearance changed dramatically but you lost your voice and ability to communicate in the process! Your singing was beautiful, you would sing, and I would listen (or join in for a duet). I would never ask that you give up any of this because it is something I do not know if I could or would do for you in return. The pressure for me to be your whole world is stifling and I do not think I can do this for you or me. If you have to give this much up to be part of my life, is it worth the price? I am sure you will come to resent me in the future when you have time to see all that you have lost. I think it is best that we take some time apart. We both need the time to reflect on what we want or hoped for from this relationship.

I wish you all the best for the future and may you get your happy ever after with a lot less sacrifice.

Yours With Love

Eric

Prince Charming

PS Be careful what you promise that witch Ursula I think the cost of promising her anything will only lead to pain for you.

I can see that life for Prince Charming or the Knight in Shining Armour would be equally as hard as that of his counterpart the Princess or Damsel In-Distress. It would not be easy to be the one who is solely responsible for the welfare and happiness of the other and themselves. A constant need to perform and be the center of another’s world would be extremely stressful and lead to resentment (on both sides). This continual habit of having to rescue and be the source of happiness for another soul would be a drain on the relationship of anybody. I can see in myself that I have placed this pressure on others and that has not been very fair of me.

I can see myself in Rapunzel. I have waited to be rescued and saved in life only to be disappointed. My aversion to hard conversations and wanting someone else to champion me has seen a slow descent away from self-responsibility. I see myself in Ariel as I have placed too much pressure on others to fill me to be my everything, a willingness to completely change myself to fit when in reality I should have been taking ownership of who I am. Do not get me wrong I am lucky to have a wonderful husband who has never asked me to change, and I feel at times he may miss the girl he married, for the woman she has grown into has lost the spark she once had (I see this myself). No one has ever asked me to change. I have changed myself because I have perceived myself as not enough. I see myself as Snow White or Sleeping Beauty who both lie in a deep and poisoned slumber awaiting an unknown time or person to awaken them. I am awakening from a deep sleep but unlike the princesses it has not been a kiss that awoke me, but my need to breathe and live in a way that honors me and my truth. If I want to be number one in life, then I need to recognize that number one position belongs in my own life with me making it so. I have to be my own number one and not wait and hope that someone else will see my value.

I have found astrology and numerology very helpful in understanding all this and why I might have created the situations I get myself into. I am Scorpio Sun sign. Scorpio has a habit of deep descent looking for the truth and they need to be mindful that at some time this deep dive needs to be halted, or they miss their true purpose in life and that is to stop the descent and reorient themselves towards the light and to bring back what they find. It is time I stopped wallowing in the darkness and realize that there is a light showing me the way home all I need do is turn and rise.

I hope Dear Soul that this rambling today helps you in some way. I hope you see that you are always important. You are the lead character, the Hero/Heroine, in your own story and it is not selfish of you to want what you want. It is okay to put down the need to please others and embrace your own needs and desires. You have a voice; you always did, now is the time to use it to express and explore what it is you want from life. I encourage you to stop waiting for someone to rescue you (or you rescue them) and follow your heart and soul. If I asked you to believe in yourself Dear Soul, enough to want to put down the desire to be what others want from you; what is it you want for yourself? If you do not know that is okay, now is the time to start your own hero/heroine journey answering the call to action. Try new things, explore, ask yourself what it is you want. Allow yourself to try and fail as well as to try and succeed. Be open to finding the things you like. You have your whole life ahead of you to live and find these answers. You might even find that what you have is what you love, and the release of expectations is what was needed to find the freedom to enjoy your life.

I myself am starting to wonder if I let go of the cage of responsibility I have created around myself what could life look like?

In love and light always.

Rebecca

Dear Soul

Xox

PS I am starting to see that maybe romanticizing fairy tales might have a lot to be answered for and these last few letters my way of changing how I view them.