Self-Ownership and Authority

I am working with a mentor for this 40-day devotional practice. I am working with Leah Braithwaite and her Soul Rx program. When working with Leah she tunes into my Human Design, my intention, and her Kundalini training to find a kriya that best suits my needs and goals. This chant is by design and with intent to work with me to help facilitate the change I want. This devotional practice has been picked specifically for me.

This writing is recording my lived experience of my human design, Kundalini, and Soul Rx practice. The following are my embodied results for the 40 days I have committed to.

Day Thirty-Four

I am faced with my inability to want to claim my self-power and authority. I notice how many times I will defer to others’ opinions over my own and this is troubling.

Today I am catching a glimpse of my need to claim self-sovereignty over who I am. It is time to reclaim my power and awaken. Part of me quails at this thought. I say who is she? Who is this woman I am meant to be? Then I realized I cannot fail at this because no matter what I do or do not do I am always her. I will always be her no matter the expression. I am not a lost stray needing to be found but an individual who needs to explore and claim her potential and her power.

I have had it wrong. It is not who am I, but who can I be?

Chant

Today was the same struggle as yesterday. I struggled to remain in the sound vibration and to let go of the need to control my mind. If my mind wandered, it was a reminder to let go of the need for control, to refocus and to just stay with the seed sounds I was chanting. I concentrated on the kriya and not giving any more power to my mental thoughts.

I felt that the steadiness of my feet that were creating a strong support system yesterday and grounding me had moved into my legs. At one time I noticed I was swaying life a flame and I knew I needed to shore this up (chanting requires a clear straight channel from my head all the way down). When I firmed up my spine, I felt like a tree held by her root system but with inbuilt flexibility to move with life.

The eyes today troubled me. They were flickering behind my lids and did not want to stare at my third eye. Today I had to meet them where they were and rest when I needed.

Today’s chant is the reminder that I have final say and power over myself.

Reflection

Ownership and Authority were the two words to come through today and now I am faced with the repercussions of not practicing either and I am also excited to see where I can go as I start to claim both. As I look back on the chant today, I acknowledge how amorphous I am. I do not have a clear shape because I allow others to tell me what shape to take. In just typing this I wonder could this be the seed cause of my body issues and ensuing weight problem over the years. During this chant I got to see how many times I wanted to defer to someone else to tell me I am doing it right. Only I know what is happening within me, what reverence I do this practice with and if I am invested. I am left to face that only I can truly know me so I should claim who she is.

I know part of this shucking of self-responsibility is because I am frightened that being me will be too much and I will be rejected. I know I am not the only one to feel this way, but I am now seeing the disastrous effects this can have on the body, mind, and soul. It is good to consult and be guided by others, but this is also the reminder that I have final say on what I will do and be. In opting out of my own power I have been left ungrounded and unsure. In doing my chanting I am being provided with this insight so I can move beyond what was and into who I can be. I have a lifetime to do this and discover my unlived potential.

Card

When I reread my notes, I noticed struggle was coming through, and if I include yesterday, I see a pattern forming in my behaviors. I struggled to form the right question (and there it is again). I asked, “How do I surrender to myself?”

Snake was the reply.

Snake — guardian of unawakened magic and creative potential.

This card tells me to surrender I must embrace my highest potential and awaken these aspects of me and I can do this through Kundalini practice. An affirmation that I am on the right path with this devotion.

Snake asks me to imagine what life could look like when I have awakened and explored my inner magic and creativity within me. It is a gentle reminder not to get lost and waste time in starting and stopping many projects. It is time to find what is calling me from within and stick with this. Explore but do not become lost in the possibilities. Listen to hear what is awakening and do this. I have magic within me to embrace my creative possibilities. A reminder to open them and not let them go dormant and be missing from the world.

The last thing Snake says there is no more time to waste, and I need to awaken from my slumber. This is not the first time a card tells me now and not in the future.

See you tomorrow for day 35.