Self-Limiting

A 40 Day Challenge

This is my lived experience of my human design crossed with a Kundalini chant and the following is my embodied results.

Day Five

Day five practice begins with a stretch to help me sit through the practice and I like that I have added something good for my body. Today I have also added a few pillows to help support my knees. I am hoping to make my practice more comfortable, and it does. I only need to stretch my legs out twice during the 30 minutes. I am getting better at meeting my body where it is.

Today I want to focus on refining the channel of light from my crown to third eye and then projecting the light out; I am still having trouble creating the light flow. I remind myself I still have 35 days to master this.

I messed up my mudras and chant in the middle today but all good. It was hard keeping in the rhythm and in time with the chant during the silence when the chant moves to being mentally expressed. I do not deal well with silence in life, and this is influencing me today. I am an empty nester now and I have lots of opportunities to practice in becoming comfortable with living with silence.

In a previous writing I mentioned I cannot see with my mind’s eye, and this is true but occasional colors visit me when I meditate and usually it is a beautiful violet color. Today Violet visits me during the chant and I am happy to see the color. The words Trust and Surrender drop in.

I sit in the sound of the chant, and I am reminded that I love the vibration of sound that is created. All of me feels the practice. I love this structure and container that helps me to stay connected and explore who I am in this world.

Before I began the meditation I thought “I will not always have something worth sharing.” I know this was me playing small and I was trying to limit myself. This happens in more areas of my life than I want or care to think about. During my journalling and at the very end the true message of today’s chant came through. (I have been reminded to “Trust” and “Surrender” so I will). I could see I have a habit of self-limiting who I am especially when I am sharing this with others. I have a habit of making myself more palatable. I told myself that I do not always have insights. That is not necessarily true. I was wanting to limit myself so others would not be … so others would not what? Think I am a showoff, trying to be better than what I am? I was trying to make me likeable (blah). I am reminded this is limiting me and does not serve anyone. Others have agency and if they do not like what I write they can tune it out. This writing is primarily for me to process this experience. I also want to help others, and I think by sharing my journey I can help.

I am open to not having insights daily but what is non-negotiable is me finding self-approval for the way I am showing up and how I am sharing my practice. I do not want to limit who I am by having to have or not have worthy and shareable insights. I am not sure what I will end up with, but I will be true to myself writing about what comes up and hopefully that is helpful to you and me.

Card Draw

Fox is the card today and is a reminder that I am adaptable and committed to this process. It urges me to stay true to me. It encourages reconnection and recommitment to what I love. I know deep within me it is a reminder to find what I love and to remember to love myself first, when I do this, it has a knock-on flow effect to the rest of my life. The card reminds me life is magical when in alignment but creates insecurity and being unsure of my identity when out of balance. It is through connection that balance is attained. Once again connection is part of theme for these 40 days and part of the way to create harmony in my world.

Conclusion

Today I have acknowledged that I have a habit of self-limiting beliefs and now that I am more aware of them, I need to override them. For me that means sharing a post each day for the 40 days I do this. It means picking myself first. It means taking time to explore my options being aware part of me wants to play small and put others needs before mine. I am aware that now I need to question my priorities and tell myself it is not selfish to place my needs first. I am the main star in my life, it is time to do this and stop acting like the support act.

I am aware that being self-first does not necessarily mean that I must make the most selfish choice, but it allows me to look at the options giving me permission to pick the one I truly want.

This is the time for me to surrender and trust this process I have undertaken, to stop limiting what this means. It is time to be true to me.

See you tomorrow for day 6.