Or Something Better

This is my lived experience of my human design crossed with a Kundalini chant and the following is my embodied results.

Day Thirteen

I approach the practice with slowness and an attitude of being more present. There is a sense of rightness. This is where those feelings end. I do hold a sense of direction and purpose through the chant, but I find it hard to write. Today I will do anything but sit and share my experience. I do not know why I create distractions that stop me from completing what I have set in motion.

The Chant

Today’s chant provided the chance for me to start a working relationship with my body. I held the intention of releasing the old and unwanted weight. My goal is to harmonize and create peace with my body. This is something I have never experienced in my life. My body is an excuse I use to stay as I am. It is an excuse to keep others at bay. It is a reason for me remaining unchanged and unhappy in life. There is a sense if I make peace with my body I will be faced with an unknown challenge; it is better a problem I already know intimately than one I do not. What will happen and what will I have in life if I release this issue?

Today was the day for direction and to invite in change. Today I contemplated if I could direct the vibration of the chant? The answer is yes. I focused my energy on my physical body and the intention to release what no longer serves me. Just looking at that statement I am jolted by the wrongness. I now see it is worded ambiguously if I was aiming at weight release. In a twisted manner it could be interpreted that my weight serves me so my body will hold on tightly to the safety found within. I will need to think and go again.

At first when I held the intention it was difficult to allow the light to flow. It felt like a darkness that flowed through me instead of light. This frightened me at first, but don’t we all need to face our shadows? It was a struggle through the chant to invite in the light.

During the chant there came a time when I managed to be able to see my head as a flame of light and as a beacon of hope. The vibration and sound moved down my body. There came a time in the chant when the darkness left, and the vibration changed and moved upwards.

It is my desire that this vibration is the start of the change I need.

Reflection

Today I reflect and I struggle with which message is coming through. Is it the message about body image and my need to find peace and balance with who and what I am? Is it the desire to find a way to release the weight that ways down my soul as much as my body? Is it the ponderings I have on what I see in the chant itself?

Today I am scattered with no clear goal in mind. I am not sure what will come through in my writing. I am only hoping I am moving further down the road of creating a change within me that will have me create peace and harmony in my body as well as my emotions, mind, and soul.

I think about how birth brings us down into life and how life itself takes us further downwards. It has me thinking that the first part of life is a downward spiraling path that can take us away from our dreams for life. We face challenges. We learn to live for the approval of others. We find love and we lose it. We experience happiness only to find sad times too. We laugh and we cry. All the while moving away from the person, we decided we were going to be. There comes a point of re-evaluation where we are tired of who we are, and we are reminded we wanted to be something else. We decide we will stand for something, or we might draw a line in the sand and create boundaries, we are no longer happy to compromise. We hear the whisper of old dreams and desires begging us to comeback. It is in this part of life we become discerning, and we allow others to fall away from our life. Releasing all that does not serve us. If we are really lucky, it is at this point that we can take steps to become the person we were born to be. It takes an ability to be open and face the shadows and demons that have haunted our life. Maybe this is what chanting Sa, Ta, Na, Ma (Birth, Life, Death and Rebirth) is about.

Card

My card draw was related to releasing the excess weight my body carries.

Tarantula is my card. A big spider. This card tells me I am at a crossroad (I am feeling that today). It is asking me to claim my life’s purpose, and this has made me laugh. Finding purpose put my feet on this road of self-discovery several years back. It is only recently that I have decided my purpose in life is to be fully me. This led to my next question which is who am I? Starts to feel like the song there is a hole in my bucket, a song that goes round and round with no end but starting where you began. Purpose and who am I.

Tarantula also asks you to do your shadow work to face your fears. It reminds me that I am the weaver of my own destiny so take control. Tarantula also reminds me to work on my boundaries and to set healthy limits. This card also heralds change and a chance to embrace a rebirth of the self. This card tells me I can achieve what I want if I allow the distraction to fall away.

To create change in my body I will need to face my fears that keep me here. I will need to know that I create the change I want as no one else can. To implement healthy boundaries in my life and to be open to the change I want to create or something better.

See you tomorrow for day 14.