No Compromise

This is my lived experience of my human design crossed with a Kundalini chant and the following is my embodied results.

Day Seventeen

Today I am reminded that there is no compromise. If I wish to create the positive change in my life that I desire, I must choose myself each time. This practice is a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual way of proving this to myself; it shows that I am worth embracing myself first and all else is second. I must choose my chanting and writing practices each time over other claims to my time.

I am also reminded that I do need order in life to help create a sense of balance of feeding my creative side and fulfilling my obligations and responsibilities. For now, during these 40 days, when push comes to shove there is no compromise, this practice comes first.

Chant

Today at the beginning I felt discordant and restless. The novelty of sitting has worn off, although I still appreciate the benefits for my body. Then the whisper around arrives.

Today’s chant, while the seed sounds are whispered, there is a feeling of gentleness, and I am being filled by the sounds of sighing that arise from within me. It is the sound of my body, my very being exhaling with calmness and acceptance descending upon me. This is a dissolution and letting go before the inhale of the storm that arises in the next part of my chant.

During the silence and internal chant, I feel an anxiety arise within me that I cannot do it all. I am overtaken by the feeling of inadequacy, of falling behind in my general life, and that some type of give needs to happen. Once again, I choose to be here and fully present in the moment allowing the anxiousness within me to dissolve. It is after this I feel that in making this choice to be fully present in the moment, I am confirming my self-value and worth. I am worthy of this practice. Then it starts to feel like self-belief and self-value are being woven into my very being through this practice, this chant.

Reflection

Today upon waking I have the realization that each time I have chosen this practice, this chant, I have been choosing myself. Every time I choose to write and share over obligations and responsibilities that drag me down, I am choosing me and this alone helps me to see I am starting to value myself as a person. I am worthy of my time and effort.

When I reflect on the chant, I feel the pull of the number four and feel its vibration. In Numerology four is the number of order, dedication and reliability. Four calls for structure to build a solid life, it is down to earth and works in the physical world. Four is the number that speaks of the practical and logical facilitating organization with the ability to work hard for what you want. I feel the call of this number today (it is the endless seed sounds that are chanted over and over that call it to me) and I sense the reliability that is inspired by having a regular practice that creates the change I want. I have never fully appreciated or seen the creation aspect of the four before; I have only seen it as solid and dependable. In this new light I can now see it creates by its ability to build structure and order in my life.

When I review my chant and how I have linked it to the significance of the four I can appreciate the structure aiding me to facilitate my self-growth and my burgeoning belief in my own self-worth. I am reminded in my numerology profile that four is my challenge number in this part of my life and I become grateful for its lessons; the way it pushes me to create order so I can write and do what I love as well as fulfilling obligations and responsibilities. I hope I am now beginning to master and embrace the essence of the number four. I must admit when I was studying numerology, I thought that the four was hard work and had a sense of boringness; now I get to appreciate its value in my life.

Card

I was curious to see if my oracle deck would have any insight that I might have overlooked. I do not craft an intention or have a particular question in mind beyond a general curiosity. I ask, “Do the cards have something to add or to say to me today?” My answer is the Firefly. The card appears to me as a light shining forth into the darkness beckoning me closer.

The card is an echo of the inspiration I awoke with this morning and the feeling that life can be magical when we bother to look. It is a reminder that this can be a fleeting feeling and to make the most of it while I have it.

Firefly lets me know it is the spark that inspires creativity, the creation of my writing but it is also present when I feel burnt out and dull (which I admit I have felt more than not over the last year or so). Firefly says to move away from burn out I need to write, draw or embrace the creative aspect of myself. This feels like a gentle reminder I have not started to explore the artwork that was sparked within me by my practice a couple of days ago. I am feeling inspired today with the magic of life dancing close by; all this fosters a feeling of contentment and peace within me, a replenishment of my spirit.

See you tomorrow for day 18.