Life Lived in Color

Today is the day I thought would not come! It is day 40 and I have made it. This writing is recording my lived experience of my Kundalini practice. I thought this would be a day of fireworks, but instead it was quietly understated. I am left feeling is there more and do I go on to my next goal of 90 days?

Day Forty

Today is day 40! I cannot believe it! I am excited and relieved to have made it to the end without dropping a day.

At the beginning of my challenge to live and complete 40 devotional days the end seemed so far away. I have learnt to get to day 40 I can only be concerned with what is currently in front of me, leaving the worry of the future and reaching my goals to trust, faith and self-belief that I will achieve what I set out to achieve. Meeting each day in whatever manner I needed is what I have learned to do to make the most of this devotion. In meeting each moment as it happened is how I built a strong past (I have a body of written work to show how I felt on each day as proof of this). Taking life moment by moment is also how the number 40 was achieved. I guess if you were to do the practice for 1000 days this would have to be the attitude you take to make it to the end or you would be defeated before you started.

Chant

I awoke eager to chant first thing and then that did not happen, my day falling apart, placed to the wayside as I was subsumed by life around me. All good though I have chanted now and with that I have completed this devotional practice.

I was full of expectation for day 40 and I have to say I feel underwhelmed. The chant started well but that is about it. Today I needed to constantly remind myself to chant the seed sounds with the mudra. One or both would stop at different points and then I would rock forward and remind myself to pick up and continue. I have discovered afternoon chanting is not ideal for me!

I had such high hopes for today. Why do I have practices like this? There must be a reason! My mind demands one.

I wanted day 40 to be serene and I got a mix of the two days before. I did start serene, moved to chaotic and ended on acceptance of what is. All I need do is to write now, and I have kept my word to myself and in the process proved I am worth keeping my own word to.

Reflection

I am left to consider that this day seemed a mix of the days before. I know life for me can be black or white; I am all in or all out and never in between. I have been known to say life should be lived in the greyscale (neither black nor white but in the various shades of grey), but the question is, do I do this? Intellectually I understand the concept, but do I live it? The simple answer is no I do not! I live from the extremes of black or white. A polarized way of living to say the least. To find balance, peace, and harmony I need to be able to view the world from all the colors of the rainbow (and all the shades in between). My devotional practice is the way that all of me gets to understand this concept, changing me on a cellular level rather than intellectual. A change created beyond the mind.

I also thought a life of moderation would be my answer to overcome my nature of all in or all out, but when I read the definition, it tells me moderation is an avoidance of the extremes or avoidance living life in excess. I can see moderation is not my answer and might be why I have resisted living this way. I already avoid too many things, and I need to learn to face whatever it is head on if I wish to find harmony. A conflict avoided is one stored for another day but if I can look at the issue from a different view, through a different color, I might just find my way through and create the world I want. I do not wish to live in a world of only black and white! I want a world full of colors and life. It is the acceptance that each day will be different from the one before. Each day’s harmony, peace and balance will be flavored slightly different. It is time to fully embrace the color of the moment rather than trying to make it white or black or mute the color. Fully embracing life in the moment is how I get the life I desire.

This 40-day devotion has opened a new vista of possibilities. I need to embrace the fact I am always doing my best on the day. I need to meet my problems head on instead of storing them for a later moment in time. I need to accept conflict is part of life and deal with it in the moment and for a person who hates conflict it will take me time to master all this, I can show myself grace and acceptance in this matter. My life is not about creating mediocrity through moderation by walking the middle road, it is about fully embracing who I am without lessening who that is. As a result of being true to my essence I find peace and balance. Accepting I am never too much or too little but always who I am meant to be.

All I have learned through these 40 days makes me think is day 90 worth striving for? Going the extra days takes this kriya to a new level and creates deeper changes within me.

Card

The question of today is “What would you like to tell me about the last 40 days?”

Fox is my answer.

Fox — Smart, Strong partner or mate, wise teacher.

The Fox is an enchanting creature full of mystique and a committed partner with a true heart. Fox is adaptable and quick to learn, encouraging me to remain true to who I am and to discover the mystery of who she is. My devotional practice is the way for me to reconnect to what I love. This practice has been teaching me who I am. At the same time, it has been asking me to let go of any secret and sneaky behaviors I may have, and my practice is a method to achieve this. When I am unsure of who I am it is a reminder to listen to my heart. This practice is about finding the magic in life and especially mine.

My 40 days of chanting has been a reconnection to self and a method for me to learn to love who that is. It has been the encouragement to never be less, to never avoid who I am, to never tone myself down for others but find acceptance of me just as I am. This life of mine is not just about duality but the richness that resides in between them.

Thank you for following me on this 40-day odyssey and journey of self-discovery.