Faith, Belief and Trust

A 40 Day Challenge

This is my lived experience of my human design crossed with a Kundalini chant and the following is my embodied results.

Day Eight

Today was my weekly check in with Leah to discuss my practice. We talk about what has come up in the week and formulate ways to move forward. Belief seems to be a theme coming through. Leah suggests a few practices that can help me firm up my belief in myself. I am to write at least 20 affirmations a day starting with “I choose to believe in …….!”

I mention my voice and the fact that I do not like the sound which leads to me sharing some earlier experiences in life where I was left doubting the value of my voice. Leah reminds me that in my human design chart my voice is an undefined center (this means it is open to being influenced by situations and people around me). My voice, especially early in life, was deeply influenced by what I perceived as rejection and disapproval. I have experienced times in my life where my voice refused to work and there are times when I am excited, and my words tumble and tangle in the hurry to come (what comes out does not always make sense to anyone but me). Both are times of emotional charge.

I feel it is my undefined throat that is the part of me that wants me to share this experience with you.

We move on to the next suggestion which is to lean into tuning into my body wisdom. I need to practice listening and responding to the voice of my body. It is with Leah suggesting more work here that I realize I have rushed through this part thinking it was done. I had given my body some stretches and expected this would be enough. I was eager to move on to the next shiny thing that I would learn in the practice. This week I am listening to what my body wishes me to know.

The Chant

With my session with Leah completed I try to settle into my practice. I light my candles, sit, get myself comfortable and then I get up and wander out of the room. I go to the trough and fill it with water for the sheep. Then take myself back to what I should already be in the middle of.

I begin day eight’s chant. I am back on track.

After my conversation with Leah, I realized that yesterday was a crisis of my faith in myself and in my ability to do the practice correctly. I need faith in myself to trust that I am performing all aspects of my chant in the correct manner and that I will reap the benefits of what I am doing. I do need to take a leap and have faith in myself that all is well.

Last night I watched the new season of Daryl Dixon (TWD) there was a scene within the show where a character said they had faith but wanted proof. Another character stated that if it needed to be proved then they lacked faith. This stuck with me. I see there is a part of me that wants my faith to have utter certainty with proof, but this is not faith. I need the faith to trust myself, to trust my practice, to trust I do it correctly and it is the right one for me.

Reflection

When I reflect on what faith means. What it is to have faith in the self I have a sense that this is deeper than self-belief. I decide to ask the cards “How do I develop faith in myself?’

I welcome the answer, and I am given my first core belief that will create the life I desire.

The card that turned over is the Black Egg.

Black Egg states to “speak from an authentic voice, The Truth.”

It states, “Black Egg contains one of life’s essential treasures — the truth.” I am realizing to have faith in myself I need to embrace my truth and this needs to be a core staple of who I am.

The card also asks you to explore “What do I know to be true about myself?” I realize this is the way to develop faith in myself to ask and answer this question. It reminds me not to give voice to what I think others want to hear but to remain true to my self-known truth. This card also wants me to give away my favorite hobby of justification. It is the reminder that I am always enough for myself and therefore everybody else when I stand in my truth. It is at this point I realize this is the first of my core values.

As long as I live and speak my truth, I can have faith in what I do.

With the question ready “What do I know to be true about myself?” I am ready to move forward.

See you tomorrow for day 9.