Devotion and Dedication

This is my lived experience of my human design crossed with a Kundalini chant and the following is my embodied results.

Day Seven

It is a whole week with this particular practice. Seven days down with thirty-three to go.

Today my mind is overrun with the need to control my thoughts during meditation. I am wanting to pre-decide what I am going to receive from today’s practice. I am questioning what am I trying to achieve and does it all work? I am sowing seeds of discontent and doubt. This is part of me fighting and pushing back the changes that I feel on the edges of me.

My mind is busy and seldom still. I feel I have to wrestle continually to keep me on point and in rhythm with my chant. My mind can suck all the joy out of life if I do not watch out for its control freak nature. At other times it supplies me with endless curiosity that enthralls me and gives me joy.

Today while chanting I contemplated whether I would continue to the 90 days after first finishing the original 40. Nothing like taking myself into the future. Anything but being present in the current moment and in the now. It is hard to stay present. I am always escaping to the past or worrying about the future. In writing this I see I have made peace with the past, now it is me wanting to run into the future without having done the work in the present. As my mind races with possibilities, I think if I shorten the length of the chant that would make it more practical?! The thought hits me if I made the chant shorter would that change the impact on me? There is a reason it is 30 minutes and not another length of time.

I know there is a reason for the length of the chant. There is a reason why I do each part the way I do. Part of me knows it is ending minutes that the magic is felt. Today it is only in the last minutes I feel the peaceful hum in my heart. All the minutes before was my mind trying very hard to control where the chant was going and what I would receive from the practice. It was in the end that I found the jewel. This is why my chant is 30 minutes and not shorter.

A 30-minute practice is never 30 minutes. It is the pre-chant practice of loosening the body, quietening the mind. The chant itself. Time to reflect at the end and close out. It is then 15 minutes of free writing allowing me to synthesize and download what arose during my practice. Journalling helps to clear and sort my mind. A question generally arises from my writing. The last part (when required) is asking for insight with a card draw. All this is more than 30 minutes.

All of the above has me thinking about what makes this practice worth doing and what does it achieve? My answer is just out of reach with the edges of some idea glittering close by. I cannot quite make out what it is, but I know it is a truth worth knowing. The commitment to my practice is changing what? Show me what? By showing up no matter what and performing this chant what does this achieve? Allowing all this mental confusion and accepting whatever rattles around in my mind all this means something. I just don’t quite understand.

All my ideas dance around, and I cannot quite articulate what I am trying to comprehend about my practice and why this works and why I should do it! What is the purpose of a scripted practice? What is it all about! Is it me wanting to decide who I am? The answer is no that is something I already of agency over. Is it having someone else tell me what to believe and how to worship? The answer is no, I also have the ability to decide how and what I worship. I have control and final say in all these things. What is it about showing up and performing this practice in a prescriptive way? What are the benefits and why?

I still cannot quite put words to this (and in writing this I feel this is what I should have done a card draw on). The closest I come is thinking this is how I show something greater than me Dedication and Devotion. Through taking the time to dedicate myself to the devotion I am showing myself and others that I value me. That I am worthy. That I value my beliefs in God and in something greater than the self. (If God doesn’t work for you substitute it with Universe or something else you believe in).

As I finish writing this it occurs to me, this practice is my way to believe in the magic of life, and in the greatness of the universe. It is in the worship and dedication of the chant that I co-pilot my life helping to co-create my wants and needs. It is how I ask for the help I need to achieve all I want. It is me embracing personal power and helping to create the life I desire.

It is simply a way to show respect in believing in something greater than me.

Reflection

This week I have found:

Day One is the day I acquaint myself with the chant and practice I will embody for 40 days. It is a day to set intentions of what I wish to achieve. I want to find balance and peace in all areas of my life. With the card draw done on my behalf by my mentor this balance will be achieved though the archetypes of Mentor, Security and Connection. I am full of excitement and apprehension to start.

Day Two is the day I hate on my voice. It is a reminder that I should speak up even when my voice shakes or is discordant in the world. My voice has power if I wish to embrace it.

Day Three was learning to listen and heed the whispered words from my body and honor them. My body holds wisdom.

Day Four was being kind to myself. Meeting myself where I am and not where I think I should be. It was encouraging my ability to listen to what is within me. This was a day for compassion and acceptance.

Day Five was the acknowledgement of the limiting beliefs I have been carrying around within me for a very long time. Day 5 also encouraged me to express and hone my creative skills to practice and master my abilities. This day was also permission to be imperfect.

Day Six was moving beyond the physical body into the words of the chant and realization of the need to birth, give life, allow what no longer serves to die and to understand the rebirth will naturally occur. We are not static and constantly in flux, changing and growing. Imperfect action is better than no action.

Day Seven asks me to know the value of devotion and dedication in co-creating my life intentionally. It is the magic of believing in something greater than you and paying homage.

See you tomorrow for day 8.