Damsel to the Rescue

Dear Soul,

Dear Soul, in posting yesterday’s post I remembered I had written on the Damsel months ago and yet had not posted the letter. This is my writing on the Damsel in my life; I am the perpetual Damsel awaiting the knight. I say no more! If I want love to show up in a particular way than I must do that for myself and give others in my life a break. Others are not mind readers and do not know what I want if I never give voice to my desires. For all others out there who’s inner princess is hoping for rescue I hope you enjoy what I have written.

Damsel

I had a new realization the other day, what if I am my own knight in shining armor? What if I rescued myself? Better still what if the Damsel realized she never needed saving for she always possessed within her all she would ever need. What if I ditched the fairytale and began my own story where the Damsel was secure within herself. This Rapunzel is finding her own way out of the damn tower (work in progress) and no longer awaits a rescue.

I am learning we do not always have to exist in the happy zone or want a happy ever after. I got myself into this life I live, and I am the answer going forward. I am responsible for building a life of contentment.

I have often felt like the round peg in a square hole, and I have allowed this to make me feel insecure and unlovable.

It is fair to say I have waited for others to swoop in and rescue me and I know that the archetype (pattern of behavior ingrained at a societal level that has a deep knowing of what that behavior means) of Damsel is strong in me. I have always wanted someone else to do the hard yards, basically I did not want ownership of my own behaviors.

In my early years I fed myself a steady stream of fairytales and Mills & Boon, lots and lots of romance novels. It was the knight who was going to come in and give me the life I wanted rescuing me. Poor knight what a set up for disappointment and how unfair it is to place all my happiness on his shoulders. How could I be a healthy partner if all my happiness rode on his shoulders?

Most of my life the inner stories I have told myself have been excuses to dodge self-responsibility. I have told my stories (consciously or not) to illicit a response from others that I did not find growing up. I wanted someone to care for me, to love me, to put me first before all others! Yet in life I have not found this, instead I have found relationships that push me to be independent which ironically is what I have needed all this time.

What I am learning is if I want a level of love that is inclusive and places me first (just writing that makes me cringe) I need to do that for myself. A life a self-sacrifice, placing others before me, does not, nor has it ever fulfilled me, but it has made me feel small, insecure, and less then, it has placed my entire value of self-outside of me making it reliant on my likeability, totally dependent on the approval of others. Others get to decide my worth. This no longer works for me. If I want integrity in myself and my relationships, then I need to value who I am.

When I decided I did not want to be rescued I found I needed to look deep within me. Everything I was asking and hoping others would do for me I needed to do for myself. I realized if I could not love or value me how could I expect this from others? I now know it is self-love that is important to have a life beyond survival. I need to love me and be all that I looked to others for. I need to live in a way, so ingrained that I know I am deeply loved by myself and have that be enough. Any love that came my way after this was a bonus.

Love me, hate me, like or dislike or feel nothing about me it is time for me to earn that by being authentic. You or me we do not have to be everybody’s cup of tea, but we do need to be our own. If we like ourselves then that is enough and needs to be celebrated. Buy those flowers for yourself. Take yourself to the art show or movie, go to the restaurant alone and do it all without regret or shame. Let your inner Damsel shine and allow her to empower you and show you your way forward. I think in doing this the Knight can put down his armor and explore who he is too without thinking he always needs to rescue you. Maybe this leads to a more intimate and healthy relationship of equals.

Dear Soul, I wrote this months ago and it is a reminder to reacquaint myself with me. It is time I wooed myself and found out what I really love.

Until next time.

In love and light xox

Rebecca

Dear Soul Wisdom

PS I could see Rapunzel climbing down her tower by herself to go live her best life. I could see she had the ability to love and would give herself all the love she wanted and needed and with this in my mind I wrote the following (just thought I'd share.)

Rapunzel

Here I sit awaiting another rescue. Is it me or is time to apply for new positions it seems to be a pretty ordinary job, and I am so reliant on the Hero coming my way not to mention what the old Witch wants from me. Jeez if she could just work on herself and leave me alone.

I am really over the long hair and desperately need a day at the salon. I am sure a short spikey purple hair would look good. Just a day to do what I want!

This is really an isolating and boring job and what are the prospects really. A life of gratitude from being saved and eternal … eternal what? Servitude to another? Always at beck and call to another’s desire. To be placed in a box and only brought out as a trophy. Left to sit and gather dust! Destined to be always rescued and to never live.

Maybe it is time I worked on my own way of getting out of here and live life on my own terms. How hard is it really to climb down from here? I mean it is no joy when I get a yank on the hair to let it all down. It really is not my scene anymore. There has to be more to life!

A letter of resignation.

To whom it may concern (Knight in Shining Armor and the Old Witch Holding Me Hostage)

I am grateful for this opportunity to be your Damsel in Distress, but it is time to move on.

I have been grateful for all the years of solitude allowing me to amass my own skills and the chance to really get to know myself, but I know it is time to depart.

For the knight that has not come yet and will find this letter, I thank you for your services I am sure it would have been a wonderful rescue. To the Old Witch who held me hostage in this tower I am grateful for the time of introspection, but you need to face your own issues instead of projecting them on to me, I hope you find the light you search for has always been within you. I know from the years of service to you that your answer lies deep within you and not me.

To you both don’t come looking for me. I am about to have an adventure, and I am taking responsibility for the highs and lows. The quality of my life now falls to me, and they are no longer your concern.

I wish you all a happy ever after.

Yours Sincerely

The Ex-Damsel in Distress.