Acceptance, Serenity, and Strength

This writing is recording my lived experience of my Kundalini practice. The following are my embodied results for day thirty-nine of a 40 day practice and acceptance comes calling.

Day Thirty-Nine

Today I claimed my time and I did my chant. I released the need to worry about what others thought and I started my devotion with a keen sense of acceptance. Acceptance of who and what I am. Acceptance of this devotion and its place in my life.

The feelings changed from acceptance to calmness, peace, and serenity. The final stage was the acceptance of the strength felt all throughout my entire being. My body, mind, soul, and emotions felt supported and strong. I have the beginnings of a solid foundation of the self and feeling more secure in who and what I am. Today’s devotion was as far from yesterday’s chaos as you could get. I could not appreciate or feel the difference if I did not have both experiences.

Chant

It was a calm start to today’s practice. I had an acceptance of what will be, will be. The devotion started with me grounding down into my body and letting my awareness of everyone else to fall away. Yesterday was a jumbled mess because that is how I felt. Today I had resigned acceptance and a desire to complete my 40 days. I released the worry and became present in the current moment by choice.

I am part way through my first round of chanting before I realize I forgot the opening kriya. I might have taken time to breathe into my feeling of uncomfortableness and breathe out the strain, but I had forgotten the opening prayer. All good, I had to accept what was and meet myself there. This is when the feelings of serenity entered. Other than the return of the flickering eyes my devotion was peaceful, leaving me feeling a sense of completeness.

Reflection

Yesterday I felt I had gone backwards, and I was still at day one instead of day 38. Today I am feeling like I have done the work, and the flow was coming from acceptance of all that came before. It is hard to reconcile these two completely different experiences (especially only being a day apart and nearly at the end of the 40 days), but I accept them as both being valid. I am always learning I am a beginner and at the same time I can be experiencing the intermediate level. I am balancing between both as I move through my devotional practice. Each of the 40 days has a lesson for me to learn.

I know that these 40 days were to break through my blocks and negative behaviors and to gain clarity. When I compare the two, I can clearly see the difference between accepting who I am and what I want to do compared to subterfuge and hiding who and what I am. On reflection It was necessary for my growth to experience the dichotomy of both days. To know the inner peace compared to the ungrounded stumbling mess I was in yesterday’s devotion. Yesterday and today were like night and day, chaos to order or light compared to darkness. I am seeing if I only want positive experiences, I will not recognize them if I did not have an experience of the opposite and opposing nature. All I know is that I am grateful for the disaster of yesterday because I found a profound sense of acceptance because of it.

40 days is only the first level, and the goal is to clear away blockages and bad habits. The kriya in the 40 days brings forth what blocks me. The next step is 90 days to create a new habit and changes to who I am. At this stage I am undecided if I will continue or not.

Card

The question of today is “What do I need to know about my practice?”

Tarantula is coming forward today.

Tarantula — at a crossroad, claiming life’s purpose.

A reminder to know my inner sacred soul will never lead me astray or choose incorrectly. I will always be where I am meant to be when I listen to my inner knowing, the voice of my soul and follow my intuition.

It tells me a major decision is coming soon. I can either follow the path of my soul, my dharma and life purpose which in turn leads to lasting satisfaction, or I can go for instant gratification and find fleeting happiness.

I need to learn to prioritize and refocus if I want lasting change.

Life flows when I follow my intuition and when I do not over intellectualize my choices. I need to pick from my heart not my mind.

The last thing Tarantula tells me is if I want to remain balanced in understanding all this, I need to continue my journalling.

In all I think the Tarantula is letting me know that this practice helps me to uncover my dharma and purpose. This practice helps me to make the right choices for me and can lead to lasting contentment in life.

See you tomorrow for day 40 and our last day together in this format.