Emotional Rollercoaster of Life

Dear Soul

Have you ever had a day where it feels like you have to drag yourself through life? Like walking through thick syrupy molasses clinging to you making movement all but impossible or where you feel like you are sinking in quicksand?

These are the tough days. It feels like you are underwater. You cannot hear others correctly no matter how hard you listen. It feels like no one truly sees or hears you. You just do the best you can.

If others see you like this the urge is to fix you and make you better. What if these days a good for you? What if these are the days you reset and recharge? What if you need to experience these emotions as much as joy, fun and laughter. What if a general down feeling and crying are needed too?

I read something recently that has me thinking. It was along the lines of what if you did not need to be fixed or mended what if you just need time to heal and adjust and become something new? Fixing or mending keeps you in the same state, in a time loop doomed to repeat. What if it isn’t mending and fixing and keeping status quo, what if all the Kingsmen got it wrong? What if Humpty Dumpty was ready to hatch into something new and he was healing and transforming and the Kingsmen were making this hard for him by insisting he stay an egg? Mending and fixing keeps us in a fixed and in an historical state of being. Something to think about.

In an era of having to be positive to manifest your best life there is shade cast upon those who experience the full range of emotion and not just staying in the lighter and brighter ones. The days of struggle suck because we feel we have to mask up and pick up those bootstraps and plaster a smile on your face. The days of shadowy self are important. If you do not know the low of sadness, how can you appreciate the high of happiness. Today’s world only wants us to live in one mode. Life is richer than that and I guess I am allowing myself to go off the beaten path and just be who I am in the moment without any judgement. If that moment is sadness, it is important for me to truly feel it and not push it down and away.

I had a hard day recently and it had me questioning lots in my life. Sometimes these hard days snowball into more than one day and other times it is only one day. I had one day but, it had me review how I look at life; what if I had these kinds of days so I can treasure the ones that are great. How could I know the difference if I didn’t allow myself to feel fully into this one and how could it pass if I did not live it. It was a day where I seem to get nowhere and to be going in circles. None of this spiraling palaver today of same problem but an elevated view. I am like the dog chasing his tail going nowhere fast. Just circling and spinning. These are the days that can be disheartening. For the first time ever, I am allowing this. Allowing me to feel the sadness and general so-so without having to fix myself. I don’t need fixing I just need time to be. Time to recharge. Time to wallow.

I know there is a deeper sadness that can lead to depression and this deeper pain needs to be recognized and help found. In these moments they are not passing, and you may need someone to shine a light showing the way forward but remember there is a way forward and you are always precious life. In these moments it is hard to ask for help, but it is important to do so. It is ok to be sad but if you find yourself staying here too long, please talk to someone and help them to move the heaviness from your life. This letter is more about the layer of emotional life before this. This is an acknowledgement that not every day has to be pure delight. I am saying there is a layer above where you find you do not have to be Happy Joe Happy every moment of every day. It is okay to bump out of positivity and happiness. It is okay and there is nothing wrong with you if you have sad days.

These could be the days that show us where in life we need to change. For me I see I am spending too much time by myself or locked into responsibility. I am wanting a sea change in more ways than one. My spirit and soul just want me to sit and be. I keep asking who am I? and it is in these quite moments of reflection I think the answers come.

This is short and sweet today.

I hope in sharing this you can allow yourself the chance to laugh and cry and experience all that is in-between.

In love and light

Rebecca